Dating an extroverted introvert
Ah the outgoing introvert — the most complex and satisfying of all puzzles. We have mad layers of depth and feelings…like an onion. Or something. I don't know.
Here's How to Date an Introvert When You're an Extrovert
Opposites attract, right? Sure, but they can also drive you nuts. My husband and I spent a whopping whole year in marriage prep we actually took it pretty seriously before we tied the knot, but we are still routinely running into little glitches derived from the fact that we have two very different personalities. Fortunately for us, most of the tension thus far has been solved by fully accepting one small thing: Since extroverts tend to get more attention than our fellow introverts—afterall, statistically, there are more of us—here are four of my epiphanies about introverts that became game-changers for my marriage and made our home far happier.
As an extremely extroverted person, I come home from work ready to talk all evening long—even when I am exhausted. Human interaction is how I unwind and recharge, so when we were married and started living together, I was thrilled to have someone always there, all the time, ready to listen. Unfortunately for me, my introverted husband unwinds and recharges with quiet time often alone. He does his best to listen—he really does—but after so much talking, he finally asserted one day that quiet time needed to be just that: He's a fairly social person, so he is happy to talk and go out with friends.
He is also happy to let me talk his ear off for the first 30 minutes after I walk in the door as I process everything that happened in my day. But at the end of the day, he likes to read in silence or listen to a podcast before bed. Over the past few months, I have had to learn how to give him this time when he needs it. Although I may walk into the kitchen after work immediately ready to share every detail of my day, my husband is rarely as ready to talk about his.
Turns out, that's actually an unfair and inaccurate assumption. In the past few months, I have worked hard to be proactive in asking him about the things that I know are important to him. Why was that your favorite part? Is this something you'd want to do again? That said, depending on the situation, he might not always be ready to share at that moment, just because I've asked.
This can be a challenge for me. In fact, learning to navigate when and how to give that space has been one of our biggest challenges as a newlywed couple. But I can assure you that the effort has been worth it! Being able to give my introvert even two to three minutes of space before we dive into working through a problem yields significantly better results than trying to push through an argument without giving him space to think about it.
And, strange for me to realize, this need for space actually applies to good news too! I've realized that even if something wonderful just happened: It was fun! But sometimes, I felt like they weren't that good at listening and I'm pretty sure they felt the same about me. He learned very quickly that letting me ramble sometimes is good for me—as a wife, as an employee And his natural ability to listen is always a solid reminder that I need to listen just as well, too.
Happy couples don't just figure out how to manage personality differences, they also leverage them to make their relationship richer. But, in order for that to be possible, we first need to create an environment at home where both individuals can thrive. If applied, these little reminders can fundamentally enhance your understanding of your partner, and consequently, help your relationship flourish.
Because putting your friends at ease is one of life's greatest pleasures. Rather than worrying about the ideal amount of time to date before you get married, think about these things instead. You're bound to argue everyone does , but you need to learn to fight fair. As you meet your S. We took some proactive steps to improve our marriage and family life when kids arrived. Home Relationships. But not all the time.
Whether good or bad, your introvert needs space to process what just happened. Your introvert probably wants you to get better at listening. By Monica Gabriel Marshall. By Emily Mae Mentock. By Daniel Stewart. By Zach Brittle. By Kathryn Wales.
An "extroverted" introvert has plenty of friends and enjoys the occasional party — but loves alone time. Here are 10 signs you're an extroverted. An extrovert recently griped on this blog about how one-sided it is: What about Here are 5 things extroverts can consider when dating introverts (or hoping to).
Initially, when dating, there is often attraction between introverts and extroverts since each partner consistently offers what the other is missing within their life and character. The extrovert can liven up the introvert and motivate them to take action, while the introvert can calm the extrovert down when needed and act as a steady source of quiet comfort. For the introvert who really wants to make things work with an extroverted sweetheart, here are some tips to help you do just that without going crazy. So here are our top tips:.
You usually have fun once you get there! Meanwhile, you get to smile and nod while they gab to friends and just observe, only making small talk when the mood really strikes you.
Opposites attract, right? Sure, but they can also drive you nuts. My husband and I spent a whopping whole year in marriage prep we actually took it pretty seriously before we tied the knot, but we are still routinely running into little glitches derived from the fact that we have two very different personalities.
12 Things Every Extrovert Who's Dated An Introvert Knows To Be True
Oh, the anomaly of being an extroverted introvert. We hope. Here's the down and dirty of what it's really like to fall in love with the girl who's a social butterfly and secretly anti-social at the same time. Man Repeller. We're all about day-drinking on Saturday with a large group of friends as long as we can spend Sunday in our footie pajamas on the couch, not moving except to lift food to our mouths, press play on the Netflix remote, and lift even more food to our mouths. Because we love you.
10 Things You Need to Know Before Dating the Outgoing Introvert
For example: After all, I often go out to meals by myself, sitting quite happily at my table in the restaurant with a book. I work as a writer — a solitary profession by every stretch of the imagination. I have no problem spending evenings on the couch, marathoning The Last of Us 1 or seeing what my Renegade Fem-Shepp is getting up to in a Mass Effect replay. My wife, on the other hand, is an introvert. She networks the way that other people breathe and can connect with people almost instantly. Not behavior you would typically expect from an introvert. Most of my favorite activities involves getting together with groups of friends and hanging out, whether recording podcasts, at parties or having folks over to watch Archer and Venture Brothers.
Sometimes, when you read about what introversion means , you feel like someone is spying on your life.
An extroverted introvert is a member of the ambiverted species who rarely stays at the introverted or extroverted end of the personality spectrum by vacillating between the dual ends. Akin to the oxymoronic label that the extroverted introvert wears, this person is an intriguing blend of paradoxes. And perhaps, this is one of the foremost reasons as to why they are so hard to gauge. Sounds baffling, eh?
Researchers Have Very Good News For the Dating Lives of Introverts
There's a lot of confusion about what saying you're an "introvert" actually means. It doesn't actually mean that you're always socially anxious, shy, a deep thinker, or hate parties. So after a long party, extroverts are buzzy and happy, while introverts are drained and need to go sit somewhere quietly for a while. Introverts like social time as much as the rest of the world: I'm in an introvert-extrovert relationship. My dude loves people and huge gatherings; after a day of meetings and eight lunch and coffee dates, he'll come home cheerful. I handle people much more easily one-on-one, and find myself tiring very quickly from group interactions. My mates know this well, and it's pretty common knowledge that during parties — which I love hosting, by the way — I'll often quietly disappear for ten minutes to recharge a bit. Apparently this match-up between introverts and extroverts is fairly common , and it brings out the best in both of us. If you're in the position of being an extrovert dating an introvert, here are eight tips that should keep both of you happy. If you date an introvert and go to parties together, you're going to need a game plan. The introvert is going to get tired out and either need to go somewhere else or go home and rest after awhile, and this is something you should talk about ahead of time.
10 Things You Must Know Before Loving An Extroverted Introvert
But the truth is, that projection of me—at least on paper—is a far-from-accurate portrayal of my true personality. The first time I felt different, and even a bit lost, was in I often found myself happiest and most comfortable when I was alone in my room with my door closed. I even began treating trips to the bathroom like a James Bond mission: I'd dart across the hall, duck into the bathroom, and stealthily close the door, not making a single noise. The thought of my roommate detecting my presence gave me anxiety.
9 things all extroverts want all introverts to know
The common narrative about introverts is that they're shy and antisocial — not exactly qualities you'd want in a date. But while it's easy to assume that introverts would have a harder time dating than extroverts, the reality may surprise you. Introverts in Love: For it she interviewed more than 50 introverts — single and looking, in relationships with extroverts and other introverts, newlyweds and divorcees — and what she found complicates our typical assumptions about introverts. The way I think of it:
As an introvert, I oddly find myself drawn to people who are much more outgoing than I am. The marvelous part about extroverts is they know how to dance their way around a conversation and peace out of a party without appearing rude. Let them in. Your thoughts are most likely running a million miles a minute, but your silence can be confusing and frustrating for an extroverted partner. Gently explain your need for solitude. Let them know that you want to and will spend time with them.
It becomes exhausting. They will make the extra effort and go the extra mile just to make you happy. They love company, but they also highly value their alone time to recharge to be the happiest and healthiest versions of themselves. While they want to spend time with you, they probably really just need a night to themselves. If they say they want to be alone for a little period of time, just let them be alone. But sometimes they need to completely shut down to reboot.
We feel as though we must become actors masquerading under finely tuned masks all the time. While sometimes it does help to temporarily tap into your inner extrovert — as introverts we seem to be under the impression that in order to excel in our careers, life ambitions and connections, we must become actors all day every day, without exception. Unfortunately this leads to endless amounts of burnout, anxiety and sometimes even depression. The truth is: We fail to create balance in our lives, and so our socially gregarious facades swallow our entire lives. Many introverts realize that they must become experts in personal appearances and self promotion in social settings. We must function by igniting connections with people.Can Introverts and Extroverts Work as a Couple? (Part 1)